Home » Terry Pratchett » The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld – Guards! Guards! Guards!

The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld – Guards! Guards! Guards!

The Watch (L-R Nobby, Carrot, Vimes and Colon). Image taken from http://fantasy-faction.com/2013/discovering-discworld

The Watch (L-R Nobby, Carrot, Vimes and Colon) drawn by Paul Kidby. Image taken from http://fantasy-faction.com/2013/discovering-discworld

This is the 8th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett and the first to include the Watch. The Watch is the law enforcement of Ankh Morpork who patrols the streets, although they don’t have a big job as the Thieves’ Guild is self regulating. However, they become more active after a new recruit, Carrot, joins and then a group of people to try and summon dragons. What more can you ask for – magic, dragons and fighting!

As always I’ve chosen quotes which make me smile and show off the wonder world of Discworld and it’s character’s created by Terry Pratchett.


This is where the dragons went.

They lie … not dead, not asleep, but … dormant. And although the space they occupy isn’t like normal space, nevertheless they are packed in tightly. They could put you in mind of a can of sardines, if you thought sardines were huge and scaly. And presumably, somewhere, there’s a key …


Minor theif Zebbo Mooty has just been incinerated by a dragon.

      ‘Do you know, a fortune teller once told me I’d die in my bed, surrounded by grieving great-grandchildren,’ said Mooty. ‘What do you think of that, eh?’

I THINK SHE WAS WRONG (replied Death)

– Nobby was a small, brandy-legged man, with a certain resemblance to a chimpanzee who never got invited to tea parties.

– ‘Anti-dragon cream. Personal guarantee: if you’re incinerated you get your money back, no quibble.’

What you’re saying,’ said Vimes slowly, ‘if I understand the wording correctly, is that if I am baked alive by a dragon you’ll return my money?’

‘Upo personal application,’ said Cut-Me-Own-Throat (Dibbler).

– ‘Do you think picking someone up by their ankles and bouncing their head on the floor comes under the heading of Striking a Superior Officer?’ said Carrot

– ‘The truth is that even big collections of ordinary books distort space, as can readily be proved by anyone who has been around a really old-fashioned second-hand bookshop, one of those that look as though they were designed by M. Esher on a bad day and have more staircases than storeys and those rows of shelves which end in little doors that are surely too small for a full-sized human to enter. the relevant question is: Knowledge = power = energy = matter = mass; a good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

Errol the dragon. Taken from http://skeelhaven.blogspot.co.uk/2011_07_01_archive.html

Errol the dragon drawn by Paul Kidby. Taken from http://skeelhaven.blogspot.co.uk/2011_07_01_archive.html



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